Hello again folks! This week has been crazy-hectic so I haven't been doing any blog stuff. But now I'm back into the swing of things.
Yesterday was really frustrating. CJ and I went out to the East Side for lunch and then we watched that movie Saved. Surprisingly, I wasn't offended. I thought it was just a re-telling of the Good Samaritan parable, really, about how faith comes from the strangest places. However, the overwhelming "moral" of the story was just really dumb. In sum: Whatever feels good is good and there is no absolute truth.
But I was just shocked that I wasn't shocked, you know? Especially after my big blow up not long ago.
Anyways, it was fun with CJ but he brought up this marriage stuff again which freaked me out, plus he couldn't keep his hands off me and I was almost late for a meeting at 7pm. I left him feeling really gross and now I'm thinking he needs to be ignored for another few months until he either cools off or finds a permanent girlfriend and takes his sights off me. Then we can be friends. I also didn't think it was cool how jealous he got over Brit boy.
So now I'm just daydreaming about Brit boy and FC. I sort of idealize FC, and that's really easy now with him so far away; however, maybe it's not such a bad thing. Whenever I have a particularly bad run in with a guy (like CJ) I get all down about guys in general. I'd probably give them all up if it weren't for the fact that I know that guys like FC do exist. Honestly, even if I never see FC again, or even if he were to change around and become a big sicko--I'd still idealize him because it helps me get through life. As stupid as that sounds, I'm happy knowing that he exists, even if he never actually dates me or whatever. Someone like him gives the whole world hope I think. That hope is that you don't have to let a guy grope and slobber all over you to get on good terms with him; that you can actually be respected as a human being and a friend and then at some point down the road make serious decisions with him. Dick Gregory wrote in his autobio "Nigger" that a stupid little crush on some girl in grade school he never talked to motivated him through the first half of his life. Everything he did was spurred on by that superficial crush somehow. Even after he was married. My stupid little crush on a young man in Nigeria somehow helps me make it through a day. Go figure.
Tonight I have dinner with Keshie and I also rented 2 DVDs that I should watch. Then I have to make up my mind whether I'm going to death row next weekend or not. Usually I'm a shoe-in to make the trek, but this time isn't so easy, so I'm praying on it and will probably make up my mind near the last minute.
Story in a bit, guys! I gotta figure out what our mission is....