Hesitating

"He who hesitates is lost." Having a PhD for a mom isn't always cool. I remember in 5th grade we had an assignment to bring in an example of a proverb or saying. Of course all the kids went home and asked their parents for one. My mom gave me that one although I begged her to think of another. When I got to class the next day and rattled off the phrase, the teacher looked confused and the kids seemed weirded out. They all had normal sayings, sayings you hear everyday, like "between a rock and a hard place,"or "stop and smell the roses." You have to remember 5th grade. Everything is strange if it's even remotely new. I would have been alone in my erudite weirdness had it not been for Sara. She was always even creepier than I was, and I think that day she came up with something even more out there. Anyways, from that day forward, I've always imagined the words of my proverb during times like these--times when I can't make up my mind in the least and when every road forward seems equally scary and fascinating. The past few days have been filled with absolutely nothing but exercising (I need to get in shape if I'm going to be working my tail off for the next year) and filling out applications. In between these 2 deeds I've been calling various directors from various programs and getting the details, hoping that some fact somewhere will either make or break my decision. So far, my list has expanded only to decrease and expand again as I cross names off the list only to replace them with others. As of this moment, I am leaning towards a placement in NYC (because it focuses on evangelization), or one in LA (because the community living seems awesome and the program itself is just so incredible.) But because I wake up everyday wishing I were in the desert, I can't exclude a couple programs that would place me in New Mexico or Arizona; and because I think it would be cool to teach in an inner-city Catholic high school, I'm filling out an application with the Franciscans up in Chi-town. Finally, because I am absolutely off my rocker half the time, I'm waiting for a call from a Capuchin brother who might want to send me off to Papua New Guinea for a year, which would be an adventure to say the least, and which would definitely let me know if I was ready for longer service in Tanzania next year. And I may very well stay true to my word to a principal up in North Dakota and send an application up to him so that I could spend a year snowshoeing and sledding with Chippewas (as if I haven't seen enough snow in my lifetime.) If this sounds complicated and confusing, even contradictory, to you, you aren't imagining things: it's even crazier and more mixed up in my head. Someone, please, just make the decisions for me! I'm tired of thinking and over-analyzing everything. CA, AZ, NM, IL, NY, PNG, ND: just send me somewhere, anywhere, and I promise I'll accept it. Maybe.