Bowling for Answers

Raining and warm--perfect. I can't stop cogitating about a certain situation. Really so much hinges on what I might decide. I'm worried that "he" doesn't realize the gravity of it all. Maybe he does. He says he does. But it's so hard to pick up on emotions given the circumstances. I see my whole future depending on what I choose here. And then there are so many other factors he can't control, that I can, that make the decision that much more difficult. I got called into work early yesterday--I worked a long and boring shift with this on my mind. Advent and the impending Christmas season in the near distance always bring this sense of urgency out of me. I don't like ambiguity or shades of gray--I like everything being accounted for, so I can raise my head high and proclaim to everyone, including myself, what's happening without hesitancy. Maybe that's a selfish reason to desire expedition, but it's a strong part of it and it matters to me. In my more optimistic moments, I'm excited and anxious about what could be; in my more pessimistic ones, I'm just tired. Off to eat and then bowl. It's just S and I this time around, so we'll see how that goes.