Christ the King

+JMJ
Yesterday was the Feast of Christ the King. Today is the beginning of a new liturgical year. Christ the King is my favorite feast of the whole year. I didn't make it to Mass however, and I even forgot about it until FC told me about the lovely procession he and his parish did.

Why is everyone disappointing me lately? I put too much stock in people, people that I shouldn't. I'm such a dreamer--I believe all sorts of things are possible, that I can squeeze blood from stone. I know some things won't happen, but I try anyway and think, "But imagine if they DID happen?" It sets me up for disappointment more than the average rational being.
But I just won't give up. Even as I'm telling myself to cut myself loose from a particular fantasy or engagement, I'm imagining the possiblities. I fume and rant about how I'm giving up and leaving, but every morning I wake up and forget those ideas entirely. I'm either a complete push-over, a pathetic desperate soul, or an oblivious loser. Maybe all three.

I finally got to go out and have some social activities tonight. Lots of fun. All our hard work setting this up finally paid off. It turns out I'm a halfway decent bowler, too. Who'd have guessed?

Things will look better in the morning. But I'm tired of feeling like I always place myself in situations where I don't belong. I'm tired of "settling." I know where my crowd is, and I know who my friends are. Why do I keep pretending some people will change when they actually won't? I know the truth down inside but there's always that little area of my brain feeding me the poisonous "what-ifs."
I need to learn the word "No." I need to learn how to say "Goodbye." And mean it.
I need to move on from some people, places and things. I need to let go of some dreams. I need to bury some ghosts.
It's a new year. The time is perfect.