Brian Nichols

A year ago, Brian Nichols overpowered the female deputy in charge of him, took her gun and went on a killing rampage, killing 3 in an ATL courthouse and a 4th victim later that night. He took a young widow hostage and acted even stranger. He respectfully put a towel over her face while he took a shower so she "wouldn't have to watch him." Then they watched TV and when he learned that the deputy he had beaten was still injured, he raised his eyes and asked God to spare her life. This October, he will go on trial and probably become the newest member of GA's death row.
I want to talk to Brian. Not because I condone his actions and not because I'm not sickened by his crimes. In fact, I get ill to my stomach and highly disturbed when I imagine the rage and hate and violence he spewed out that day. But I want to communicate with him.
Maybe it's a need to understand the incredible. Maybe it's a horror that attracts me much like an accident on the side of the road. Maybe it's the unshakable fear that Brian Nichols really isn't so different from myself.
Raised in middle class suburbia, Brian attended a Catholic high school then went on to college. He played on the college football team, had a good sense of humor, and was well-liked. He played keyboards at his church and attended regularly. He encouraged his brother to get God into his life. From there, his life went downhill. He was incarcerated a few times, then finally stood trial for raping his ex-girlfriend. It was at this trial that he snapped and ran wild.
Where did the change come from? At what moment did the God-loving Brian turn into the murderous Brian? Or was it a slow decline, progressing in evil one day at a time? Or, most frighteningly, did Brian never really change at all? Was he always a dangerous individual, a time bomb just waiting to explode? Did he always harbor these tendencies, but just deny them, hide them, and cover them up? What does this tell me about what I'm capable of?
With all this in mind, I wonder too whether Brian Nichols, now in a jail cell somewhere in the state, is "the same" Brian that went crazy on that March day last year. Or is he "the same" Brian that laughed with his friends at the Catholic high school? Or is he somehow both? Or neither?
I don't believe so much in "a criminal mind." I don't think you can measure a person's skull or track his genetic history and discover where exactly he went wrong. There is no genetic tag for murder. Instead, murder is a choice, an option one considers sometimes in the blink of an eye. And when the choice is made and executed, there's no turning back. Ever.
But there is healing. If there weren't, then King David wouldn't be the saint that he is. St. Moses the Black wouldn't have his exalted place in Our Church. If healing wasn't somehow possible, Christ would have never bothered to die on the Cross for our sins and promise redemption. All sin scars. All scars can heal.
So I want to talk to Brian Nichols because I want to understand how one can rise and fall from grace in the passing of an instant. And I want to know how one can climb up from the pit to resume a place in the light.
I want to learn how I can keep myself from ever killing someone.
Mortal sin. Murder is not the only mortal sin in the world, though this Western culture seems to think so. In fact, I myself have committed mortal sins before. Hell is hell and sin is sin. While I haven't gone on a 4-victim killing spree, I've committed sins maybe our villainous Brian Nichols wouldn't stoop low enough to do. So while I can judge his actions, I really can't judge the man.

You may wonder why I want so badly to talk with Brian Nichols when every day I communicate and work with various prisoners, many of whom have killed people. Maybe it's because since I don't know Brian, he's taken a more notorious image in my mind. The prisoners I know, I usually meet under different circumstances. I don't know their crimes first then introduce myself later. So their crimes don't hang over their heads like black clouds when I interact with them. Furthermore, Brian is a serial killer; I've never known someone who killed so many.

I want to talk with Brian Nichols. Not about his case or crimes or history. I want to talk with him like I'm talking with you or anyone else. I want to talk with him about today, tomorrow and what book he's reading now. I'm not forgetting his terrible crimes nor am I pretending they never happened. But I'm curious to learn more than just what was going through his head as he pulled the trigger. I'll bet even he doesn't know that. I've never been one interested in crimes or violence. Some people who take an interest in criminals are really just interested in hearing gruesome details of strange crimes. I'm interested in people. Living people. And how people in general can turn from sin and lead decent lives.
There are truly holy men and women living in the US prison system, believe it or not. There are people in prison right now fasting austerely for Lent, praying daily and preaching the Word of God. There are people in prison we can learn from. Maybe Brian Nichols is one of them.

I want to talk with Brian Nichols. But I can't. Not now. I can't because he seems to have disappeared from the GA Dept. Of Corrections! I can't find him anywhere. But it's for the best, since, if I were to pen a letter tonight, what would I say? I'd probably say, How are you? I'm not here to judge you. I'm a Catholic and want to pray with you. Tell me what you are going through right now.
I wouldn't have to say I despise his crimes. He'd already know that.