Lost With A Cause

Just got a call from V. He and L are engaged! Congrats!!!!! I want to take them out to dinner to celebrate. :)
EVERYone is getting married these days, and I do mean EVERYone. I think I only have a handful of non-engaged or married friends now. Boy was that fast. One day I was 21 years old with everyone telling me not to think about marriage and not to go too fast with anyone, and suddenly I'm 24 with my mom saying, "You won't be a young woman forever!" Ugh.
Today has been depressing. My boss decided to change my schedule on me at the drop of a hat and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to adjust. I'm meeting with her next Wed. and maybe we can work it out. I certainly hope so. I NEED this job but I also need to be free when she wants me to work. Decisions decisions.
This day hasn't been bad per se, this whole week and a half has been a killer. I'm just sad right now. Sad and confused. Part of it must be the lack of sleep last night and the fact I've been hot and not really eating that much.
Last night I dreamed I visited Alan Aimes (this Catholic healer) at his house and explained how sick I am and how it's "ruined my life." I began crying and hoping he could help me. But I didn't really believe he could. He told me to call him at 4pm. The whole thing was awkward. I woke up with tears in my eyes. I didn't even feel sick at all. In fact I've been rather healthy the past few weeks. I guess I'm just stressed to the gills and worried about the future: what I'll be capable of and what I won't be capable of.
What do I want to do? I want to save up some money, then join a volunteer missionary program for about a year or so, then perhaps sign on for longer in a foreign country--do all that and then see what my vocation truly is. Depending on what I discover, I'd either go back to school or get married or become a nun, etc. I'd also like to continue writing and playing/recording music. I can't remember a time when I didn't use those talents. I wrote my first song when I was about 2-3 years old (it's actually good and my family and I remember all the words) and my first novel when I was about 8-9 (it was awesome and I read and reread it every summer for years until I lost it.) It's just me. But I could see myself doing those things no matter where I was or what my vocation was.
I just want to get out of this transitional period. I need to pray a LOT more and give my direction to the LORD. Otherwise I'm going to stay lost forever.
I finally got my tickets for my visit back North. Wow, has it been awhile. I'm planning on seeing my entire family and very many of my old friends. Then of course there's the trip into NYC for a bit, though I've yet to make my JetBlue reservations yet. Maybe some more time away from home is just what I need about now....