Ogopogo-sized Confusion
Still filling out applications if you can believe it. Every program has pros and cons. Take OSA Academy for instance. They will send me to grad school to get an education degree for free. Drawbacks: it's outside of Boston and I'd need to stay for 2 years or longer. Of course Boston is my favorite city North of the Mason-Dixon but 2 years there?
The Vincentians will take me to LA but they still haven't found me a placement.
The Cenacles will take me to Tucson but my job description seems kinda vague.
Holy Cross will take me into Phoenix and fulfill my Sonoran daydreams, but again the job descriptions are vague.
The Jesuits will take me to Phoenix also as a 4th grade teacher in a Catholic school but 4th grade is a little young for me.
And then the Capuchins will take great care of me and give me that wonderful Franciscan community love I always yearn for, but they want to put me in Baltimore. Gram Parsons might have loved the streets of Baltimore, but I don't think I will.
LAMP will let me evangelize to my heart's content on the streets, but it's in the Bronx. Could I get much closer to "home"?
The Assumptionists will allow me to work in the deserts of Southern NM but I don't know Spanish and I'd be miles from anywhere.
Sigh, sigh and double-sigh. Sometimes I think about just waiting until the "perfect placement" arises. Something in Tucson evangelizing or teaching in a Catholic high school. But that could never happen and if it does it could mean delaying everything a whole year. I'm already 24. I can't wait forever. Grad/law school might very well await me after this, or even a couple years of service overseas. Blah and blah. I think I've hit stress level # 5 today. I'm getting the applications in finally but I haven't moved an inch closer to understanding where I need (or want) to be.
All I know is that I can't shake the desert for some reason and if there's one thing I've learned about myself it's that when I get these urges, they don't go away till I satisfy them. I daydreamed about the South for 5 and a half years until I just packed up and moved here. I never left and I still don't think I'll ever really leave. I'm coming back. And if the desert becomes my second love--well, I'll just have to rent 2 apartments, won't I?
I have to mention that absolutely none of this (my seemingly random desires and plans) would be possible if my mother and Eddy weren't incredibly supportive. I'm only able to do any of this because they both have sacrificed so much to make me happy. There isn't space here to list how much financial, emotional, mental and spiritual support my mom gives me; as for Eddy: how many friends do you know will just say "Sure!" if you tell them, "I'm leaving for a year. Take my dogs and my apartment, drop everything in your own life, and let me do whatever I decide"??? Neither of them regularly read this weblog, but I want to say "thanks" on here anyways.
posted by The Kozak's Daughter @ 10:16 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Aw, thanks, Re. It's not that dramatic, though. I love your dogs and I want you to come back and not lose your apartment, too. It's not like I'm giving up anything, it's in the same town!
Well I don't remember my blog account so that's why this is "anonymous."
Check this out: The Red Sonya (with a “y”) character was created in 1934 by Robert E. Howard. Howard’s Red Sonya of Rogatino first appeared in the Howard story The Shadow of the Vulture. She was a 16th century Russian woman fighter who participated in the battle against the Turks in Vienna.
I want to read that!
-Edison
Thanks Sonar! I am Red Sonya.
Cinds, aww, you really gave me good advice. I'll have to chew on that for a bit....
I really happy for you Sister, You've got all the guts it takes to be wherever you want to be.
But then there's a little thing remaining to crown it up.....
A silent moment to reflection to discover .....how these oppurtunities will fit into your life plan.
My little advice: Get back to your drawing board, and rediscover yourself
Draw out a vision for yourself...
What is your vision (what you want to be) in the next 15 years and which of thes oppurtunities draws you closer to it.
Having discovered your vision,(long term goal), set your mission (what you are doing now to achieve your vision) and also map out short term goals you can achieve that are still in line with your vision, ....Take a moment of reflection and planning and then you'll be able to fit these oppurtunities in. May be one at a time, or one after a specified period of time. You can still use them as cookies compensating you after a period of time as you chew the hard nut of achieving your vision.
They are numerous yes, with uncertainties and fears, but picking it up one after the other as you think your resources, strengths, weaknesses and the grace of God will be able to carry you...
It might not be palatable for you at the moment, it might even be a cross in itself but in fulfilling it, you draw closer to your vision whist still serving Christ our Lord and Saviour....
Talk to you again soon.
I'm yet to send an update report to you (newsletter)......My PC is temporarily down.....,hope to fix it up(replace some damaged parts) by Monday and then I'll be able to send the info I saved in it to you....
bye
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