Whimper whimper sigh swoon ugh

Sebby called me tonight even though he's got to get up at 5:30am to leave for NYC. I was really happy to hear from him, since we've been playing phone tag for a while now. I was going to call him today but figured he'd be busy packing. He was, but cared enough to call me. I really am shocked. Also, weary as he was from packing, he allowed me to rant at him about various things (one of my favorite hobbies) after he filled me in on all the cool things that were going on with him. It turns out that Jim C. and friends put together a big going away party for him in LA and it was really touching. I know he has mixed feelings about going back to NY, but he will be closer to me that way and I fully intend on attacking him when I see him.
But boys are confusing! He and I both KNOW we have a lot in common, and when we talk it's obvious we're close and that we trust each other. He really gets me giddy too, so not only am I at ease around him but I feel like I have a grade-school crush on him. Probably because I know I can't have him. See, one of the major things keeping Sebby and I apart right now (other than the fact we don't live in the same city) is that neither he nor I know what we truly want for the future. Sebby's got about the next month planned out, and he's 99% certain about his vocation, but I keep wondering about that 1% chance. And even if that 1% involved him dating someone, what are the stats on it being me? He claims I'd be next in line, but I know me: I get weird around guys I actually care for, so I'd probably find a way to back away anyway! Ah well, I just thank God for Sebby, since he's a good friend to have, even though he's as unpredicatble as I am and I can't place anything about him for certain. Maybe that uncertainty is a part of what I like about the situation: he doesn't make me feel boxed in, he doesn't try and control me, and he makes me feel very special without seeming like he's using me. Obviously, he's not using me for sex! And that's a big relief and probably BIG REASON # 2 why I feel so safe with him.
This Sebby saga will probably go on for a while, but I like it. It gives me the security of feeling that perhaps there's a special guy out there for me, but it doesn't pressure me into any commitment.
Stayed up all night talking to K, I know what this sounds like but honestly, he's just a fun person to talk to and I have no plans of pursuing that. I do worry about MS though, since I have no idea what he thinks our friendship is and I really don't think I should be pursuing THAT road either, regardless of his inclinations.
It sounds like all I think or care about is guys! It's not true, but I have found that the less I was able to leave my house this summer, the more I started calling people and really delving into people I otherwise would have been ignoring. So it was a blessing in disguise and I feel I found deeper friendships that way, even though I wasn't going downtown partying every night. Actually, I probably founded those friendships precisely BECAUSE I wasn't going downtown partying at night. You can only learn so much about a person while shouting at them over loud music, drunk people talking, and coughing on account of the cigarette smoke.
Plus, half the people I've been getting closer to are female so that proves I'm really not out on a man-hunt. (Love you L and Z! Even you, SH, though I was weirded out by your last email!) :)