Addiction

Addiction. We're probably all addicted to something. Society focuses on drugs and alcohol but there are even worse addictions. I have an addiction. I have to struggle with it everyday. My addiction is to an idea I had many years ago, an idea that as it developed became obviously harmful to me. But an addiction is hard to kick, and the longer you've had it, the longer it takes to get rid of. (Any addict will tell you that.)
In my situation, I've been "clean" for months now, maybe even a couple of years. At the back of my mind, it gnaws away, whispering: "Go back, go back, you can't live without this, you're nothing without this, go back." So every day I need to actively reply: "I don't need it; I'm not listening!" But it's always there. After a while it occurs to me that it's not even the idea itself that I'm attached to, so much as the idea of the idea. I put so much effort into this, so much passion and care, that it's like I feel I have to go down with the ship, so to speak. Even if the idea hurts me, even if it's totally wrong for me, I need to follow it anywhere, even down to the depths of the ocean.
An addiction can't really be overcome by replacement. A coke addict can't really stop needing coke by starting heroine. They can get addicted to heroine, but they'll still want coke on top of the new drug. It's very unfortunate.
Cold turkey is a technique that tends to work for some addictions; but the desire is always there, and one day, you might let your guard down just a little, and say, "It's been 17 years since I---. I'm strong enough to endure a little of it now, without the harm...." But the second you look back, like Lot's wife, you turn to salt and it defeats you.
The AA movement has been effective, but its principles still don't work 100%. Those principles can be used for almost any addiction, but in my case, they can't cure me entirely.
What are your addictions? We all have them, though some of us cope with them better than others. Some of us are addicted to people, or to dreams that never quite worked out; to our jobs or to our opinions, to a hobby or even our families. Almost anything on the earth we could be addicted to.
I stayed "clean" for all those months by basically going cold turkey. I didn't permit myself to think about my idea, or act on it, or talk about it, even if someone mentioned it. I just acted as if it had never existed, and this technique carried me along for a while. But inevitably, when my passions flared up: anger, or love, or jealousy: they all fused together as one and this emotion kicked me right back to where I'd started...Thirsty for my idea, to see it completed, to cling to it no matter the cost. There was a time when I loved this idea more than Jesus, and when I realized that, I knew I had to cut it loose. Because that's really what addictions will do: they'll be more significant to you than God, they'll take His Place and deceive you and lead to your ruin.