Plans and Friendship

Well, I saw my doctor on Wednesday and though he's convinced I'm fine he did do some bloodwork to make sure. I'm still really under the weather however and have basically tried pulling the reins in on a lot of my life, hoping rest and relaxation will do the trick.

I'll be going back up to NY for most of August--doing a bunch of stuff I was robbed of since my landlord had me coming back early last time. I'll get a wisdom tooth out, see my dad and his family, and basically just appreciate being around my family. My grandparents are very sick and old and I hardly ever see them. My brother will be leaving NY in December for greener pastures so this will probably be one of the last times I'll be so close to him. I'm looking very forward to it, because once I start a real job it won't be a possibility again for a long time, if ever.

By the way, a zillion and one thanks to all my friends who have been standing by me and making me feel not-so-lonely during my sick days. Some of you have given me good medical advice over IMs, some have called me on my drive to the doctor to give me courage and say it's OK, some of you have offered to come over, risk my germs, and watch old Indiana Jones movies with me, and others have sent me pleasant emails asking how I am. Most of all, I appreciate any prayers that were said for me! It really means a lot, guys--more than you know. When someone's sick, it seems like the opportunity arises for the people in their life to show their true colors. You folks did, and your colors are gorgeous! ((Massive hug!))
"Thank you for being a friend" (Golden Girls theme, ha ha!)

Tears Of My Tracks

I’m down but I’m not out, but Lord, I’m hurting
I’m down but I’m not out but I feel blue

I sold all my vinyl yesterday
At a boot sale out on the highway
And now my room is full of fresh air

I’m down but I’m not out, but Lord, I’m hurting
I’m down but I’m not out but I feel blue

Somebody owns all my albums now
They probably don’t even wonder how
My name got written on the sleeves

So I’m down but I’m not out, but Lord, I’m hurting
I’m down but I’m not out but I feel blue

I opened the window, I let in the sun
My record collection has ended
For someone else it's just begun

So I’m down but I’m not out, but Lord, I’m hurting
I’m down but I’m not out but I feel blue

WORDS AND MUSIC: Billy Bragg (2002)

PEE WEE PLAYHOUSE theme song (sung by Cyndi Lauper):

Globey's spinnin',
Mr. Window's grinnin',
'Cause Pterri's flyin' by (hello !)
The Flowers are singin',
the Picture Phone is ringin',
And the Dinosaur family goes, "Hi!"
Mr. Kite's soarin',
Conky's still a snorin',
There's the flashing Magic Screen.
The Cowntess is so classy,
Randy's kinda sassy -A nuttier establishment you've never seen !
Spend the day with Pee-wee and you'll see what we mean ! (Come on !)

How I Love the Playhouse

It's no fun being sick.
Actually, I take that back--SOME times it's fun to be sick. Like if you really want to miss work or school or something and have a genuine excuse.
But not if you just have to hang around home all day kinda lonely. It's good to rest up (I did come off a very busy past few months that seemed like a whirlwind of activity) but I wish I were more in control of the situation.
I'm not even really that sick, just sick enough to tie me down for the week.

Maybe it's the fact that I've been relatively people-deprived lately or the fact that sickness makes me irritable, but I do feel that I'm unhappy with several things in my life at present. And I don't like feeling that way. Usually, if something annoys me I try to simply change it. But these troubles are just too complicated at present to break down and unravel. I need a vacation. Not from doing stuff, and not from all people, but from this current state of things. I need something new to spring up and divert my attention so I'll stop brooding on situations that create turmoil. I'm not one to usually have chronic anger-management problems/hold epic grudges, but let me be honest: I'm not happy and I'm not dealing with this emotion very well. Basically, I'm becoming a person I don't like very much; someone bitter, resentful, pessimistic and just plain ol' mean. Don't get me wrong--I'm not really acting as this new character, but I'm certainly thinking and feeling like her. Yowza! More on this later when I get a handle on it. Of course I will, it's only a matter of time. But until then, I may be kinda distant. If Person A is getting on my nerves, I'd hardly like to snap at Person B out of habit and drag them into this. That's a recipe for disaster!

My new best friend is Pee-Wee Herman. Sweet ol' Pee-Wee. We hang out at 11pm Monday thru Friday and laugh, scream and basically have a grand time. Want to join us?

UFO, I'm sorry, but I will get cracking on all we talked about in just a few days. I did work on a lot of things after our last talk, but then I got sick and then I got . . . well . . . see above.

Utopia

This warfare in the MidEast is just awful. Let's all pray for a peaceful end, impossible as it may seem at the moment. All things are possible with God.

How would you spend every day if we lived in a utopia where no work was necessary at all? Would you read more, play more sports, visit with friends on a regular basis, spend more time with your family? Would you sleep till noon or watch 10 hours of TV? Take long walks with your poochie or doze serenely in your hammock all afternoon? Maybe you'd like to begin a garden and tend to it all morning long, or start up various new hobbies to occupy your time? In many ways some of us already live in a near-utopia, an easy world that was unheard of until very recently. But most of us still choose to work hard, long weeks, even though if we only worked a fraction of the hours we could still survive. So perhaps some of us, if we inhabited a veritable utopia, would work anyways, fall into careers and "slave away" 40+ hours a week. What do you think?

Hello again

One word that describes my life at present is confusing. Another one is unsettled. A third would be unpredictable. I don't like when things are confusing, unsettled and unpredictable anymore than the next person, so this leads to my being very stressed at every moment.
Well, almost every moment. There is an oasis in this desert of instability, and it's called the Omni.
The Omni is my gym where I work out, and if I could I would go there every day and relax the hours away. It's simply a beautiful place and it does wonders for every part of me.
I never breathe. Ever since I was a kid taking horseback riding lessons, people have been telling me I don't breathe right. "You're not breathing!" my instructors would shout. "You have to breathe!" When I'm under stress, this gets even worse. I just don't take in enough air and I don't relax enough to breathe out either. This results in all kinds of health problems.
But at the Omni I have to breathe in and breathe out--deeply. I work hard enough to demand that of myself. It's such a new and comforting feeling for me. For the 2 hours I'm in that place I only think about calories, distances and muscle groups. Have I mentioned that I love this place?
Anyways, I'm hoping that things in my life will become clear, stable and predictable soon enough. Until then I won't be able to do much of anything in the way of planning my future.