For Emeka....

Emeka, a furum gi na anya!

Laurel Canyon

As you can see, those Tork fans stole my latest Peter image, so the fight is ON!
Don't worry gals, I'll get him back one way or another. Now it's mainly about the principle of it....

HELLO INTERNETS!

For Pete's Sake

Sigh, those Peter Tork internet fans are rabid. I think they aren't letting me use some of his photos, so I had to take the cowboy one down and replace it with this one. That's cool, once they take this one I'm going to get some ones of him shirtless. Yes, girls, this is war!
In disturbing news, yesterday when I was searching for Peter photos, I found a crazy website run by this old lady who meets celebrities (B-level), smooches them, then posts the pictures online! It's sick! She claims there's a photo of her and Peter smooching on there but it was out of focus so I believe not a word! :) conveniently, most of the photos seemed out of focus!
Now announcing....Cindy's Birthday 2005 in Montreal!!! That's right, the weekend of August 13 a group of people will all fly up to NYC, then pile into cars and make the 6 hour trek to Montreal. Fun, fun, fun! More on this as it develops...all Cindy fans are invited!

Spent most of today chatting with friends and shopping for microphones. I sent a song to a guy who works with Hootie and the Blowfish in Cali, so we'll see what happens there. I think we're in a great spot for a band who rarely plays or practices. We have some nationwide radio airplay (independent and college only), 2 indie films, one compilation record out and some worthwhile connections. Really, we just need to put 10 songs on a CD and get the art done for the cover. How we came this far only to continually balk at such a simple step is beyond me.

The flowers here are encased in ice, a pretty but sorrowful sight.

I Sing the Praise of Never-Change

There's actually white ice out there today; my dogs didn't even know what it was! It's been over a year since I last saw ice or snow--since I couldn't visit the North the North visited me!
Had a sappy conversation with UFO and even said hi to Anu for the first time.
Then, I was excited to talk with ST. I've been needing to ask him about recording stuff ever since my mom said she'd get me a new PC. Now that the thing's almost here, I had to jump all over him for info. He was really helpful, and though it's going to be expensive, I'm now on the path to studio quality right in my own home. After the analog broke, I experimented with a PC program that's actually quite good, and I made a couple great recordings, but really I need a better mic and another PC. So, by next week or so I should be getting ready and then we can make our final demo, completely polished, to send to Cooking Vinyl. The great thing about Cooking Vinyl is that it has Billy Bragg on it, but the better thing about it is that I found out one of the Monkees did a solo project there too. Ha ha! After shopping around the Southeast and even the rest of the States, we decided to try overseas because the deals are much better and they tend to perk up a bit when you say you're from Athens, Ga, USA. In America, we're commonplace, but in the UK right now our genre (whatever that is) is actually a bit of a fad.
There's always Japan if that doesn't work out, teehee.
In cool news, a second indie film has showed interest in a few of our songs, this time in California, so we sent a song out to the guy and it might be a go. That'll be three songs in 2 films because recording hang ups wouldn't allow us to record any more. :(
Also, an old performance with ST, me and EA is going on a regional sports TV show this season.

"Guitars are a nice hobby, John, but you'll never make any money at it"-John Lennon's mom

We've been watching an incredible amount of Beatles stuff here lately. I still haven't caught the bug so to speak, I'm still not a fan at all, but perhaps the propaganda will sink in eventually. :)

Check out my new photo, the dashing Peter Tork!

Random Memories

I got this idea partly from Cindy's last post. But instead of listing random things about myself, I'm going to list a random memory.
Feel free to add your random memory!

When I was drumming in the punk band, it was the hottest scene in town. No, really. That's all Upstate NY had. So, the way things were run were someone would get a hold of a big empty space and the word would get out and hundreds of kids would show up. A couple bands would go on and everyone would be dancing. There was never one cigarette, beer or drug (sXe was all the rage), but we knew how to party. So the kids would be dancing and sweaty and crashing into one another, and someone always brought a camera to record for a school project or documentary and we'd wait around 'til the opening acts got finished. Even if they were bad, we'd pretend we liked the set. Though sometimes it'd get so bad I'd go outside and chatter with the kids. I regetted having to even be there for the opening acts. I know that's rude, but if I'd had it my way I'd have pulled up just as we were about to go on and leave right after our last song. Sometimes that's how it worked out, but more than not I'd be decent and mingle with the people and support the other bands.
I was always the last to show up and the first to leave. I had a major aversion to fans and groupies and besides I wasn't listening to punk then anyways, I was listening to the Fleshtones and the dBs and the B52s and Athens new wave.
So, one day (this was after the kids literally broke the floor of the Masonic Temple by pogoing), we were at a community center and it was late and I was ready for the set to end. I had been drumming for what seemed like hours and I doubt I'd even had dinner. But of course, just when we ran out of songs, the kids wanted an encore; so, we kicked into our biggest song in those days (I can't even recall the title!) and the whole crowd would sing along, come up and grab the mic and sing verses. It would have been very cool if I had liked the songs.
So, on this night, the kids are screaming the words louder than ever and suddenly I see a pink flash moving around in the audience. Then, there's a lot of laughing. Suddenly, one of my friends leans over me while I'm drumming and shouts, "He's got his clothes off!" And I call back, "What!?" because I'm tired and my arms feel like they're about to fall off.
"He's naked! Watch out!"
Then I see it, the streaker. He's a young guy I'm supposed to know (but I'm never good with names or faces and besides, I was avoiding the world) and I see him flying around the floor faster than a bullet. Disgusted, I just close my eyes and hope he won't come near the set. Why would he? I'm backed right up against the wall and he'd have to practically jump over my head to make it around me.
Well, wouldn't you know it? I open my eyes and see him heading straight for me! I duck and he does it: leaps into the air behind me and just clears my shoulders, his nude body scraping me. I didn't even lose the beat (yeah, I'm good) but I'll tell you what, I still get the shudders remembering that. I'll bet he thought he was hot stuff but I didn't see or feel a thing and maybe that isn't to his credit. :)
OK, now add your random memory.
And stay tuned for more episodes such as:
1) When Bobcat Goldswath (sp?) came to one of our shows and I didn't even talk with him
2) When I loudly insulted the drummer of the city's most famous band to his face
3) When I showed up for practice and discovered that the bassist was my arch-nemesis
4) When Dan's grandma saw me and said sweetly, "Beautiful hair! Boy, or girl?"
5) When obsessed fans at the fairgrounds were unconvinced that I was indeed the drummer for their favorite band
6) When an amp exploded and a wall got busted at our first show, a friend's birthday party
7) When Eugene got high on cough syrup (wait, that was every day)

Cool in High School

All right, who was cool in high school and who was not?
If you were cool, what made you that way, what were you liked for?

I was an outcast all of elementary school, and half of middle school. Then I was cool my last years in middle school and all high school. The kids who picked on me all those years started asking for my autograph--hah!
I found out after school that during middle school the cheerleading crowd called me "the weird girl." Oh, and in 5th grade this boy Shane used to call me "Mouse Girl"!

What made me come back from that? Rock n' roll and dating the 2 hippest guys in high school. Also, maybe the face paint, the insane costumes and fact that I never came to class probably helped. Wow, I wish I had more photos of all that....
Just imagine me with magenta glittery bellbottoms, green velvet boots, a silver transparent overcoat, and war paint on my face. Let's hope I never see that phase again.

Super Story Rekindled

OK gals, the story has been added to! Check it out on our story blog and let me know what you think. :) It was kinda self-centered this time but Sali's idea of adding the Monkees to the scene really piqued my interest, heh heh.

A Hard Day's Night

I'm exhausted and have finished no work AGAIN. I was supposed to be in bed around 1am, but I ran into practically everyone and their Auntie Grizeldas online and every one of them was having an issue. I didn't get to bed until 5am. Fine for old Renee, but new Renee gets up at the crack of dawn!
In short,
Y is breaking up with his girlfriend (big surprise).
V has decided he's freaking out to the point of no return.
That "folly" guy from I have no idea where keeps calling me "mumu" and accusing me of not being American.
K has decided to be my buddy again.
So now I'm up waiting for L and chatting with Y. It's been the exact same conversation for literally 7 hours now:
Y: I'm sad. But I know I have to break up with her.
Me: Yeah. But maybe you can talk it out.
Y: I've tried that. She ignores me.
Me: Well, if you aren't happy, you have to do this. Keep in contact though.
Y: Yeah. I'm so sad. But I know I have to break up with her.
Me: Yeah. But maybe you can talk it out.

"He's such a clean old man."-Everyone to each other
"At least I'm clean!"-Old Man's retort.
ETC...

Star Collector

Whoa, I'm going British!
L hooked up one of his film cameras to the PC and I got to see him in action heh heh. I tried to get my mic to work but he has Mac, so....
Anyways, I was laughing so hard (he kept showing me random stuff he had lying around in his new house) and can't wait to see that boy again in person. In March!
Only a month or so away from now....

Do I Have to Do This All Over Again...

...didn't I do it right the first time?
Didn't I?
Oh, didn't I?
-Peter Tork

OK so let's play the "Which Monkee will Renee dream about tonight?" game.
First, it was Mike. Then Micky. Then Peter. Then last night it was all of them together. My bet is that tonight it will be Davy or all of them again. However, Peter's been on my mind a great deal so I wouldn't be surprised if it was him again.
So, here's how we're gonna run this deal:
2 bits say it's Peter
3 bits say it's all of them
1 bit says the night-obsession stops here

ODE TO PETER TORK
Peter, oh Peter
Why have you aged?
Where once you were dreamy
Now I'm amazed
For if you had frozen
Yourself as a teen
Today I would pine after
Your entire scene
I'd chase you and find you
And make you my own
I'd whisper you're much
Better looking than Jones
And married together
I'd be satisfied
Recalling no longer
The times I have cried
For your shiny blond hair
With sideburns so cool
Would make me so happy
I'd probably drool
However
You're balding
And look nothing like
That Monkee I loved
Behind my favorite, Mike
This is why I state
With certain resolve
Reality's boring
It never evolves
I don't even like you
It's strange, but it's true
I've fallen for fiction
That's not even you!

"Me? Why me? I don't even like her anymore!"-Peter
"What? Man, a chick like that!? With a body like that and those sideburns--"-Mike

Obsession!

"I wish I had my own room"-Peter

So last night Peter and I were cute together. The only one left for me to dream about is Davy. I suppose that will be tonight.
I couldn't make this up kids, yes my brain really is THIS hooked on the Monkees.

Got in touch with Bethie again! Ha ha! That girl cracks me up something awful. She's getting married and may come with me to NYC to visit some of her friends. We'll see. I'm definitely going to hang with her when I get back up to Syracuse.

"Why die honest?"-Beth on debt

I'm glad to see that engagement hasn't quelled her wild spirit. Man, that girl really is something. The 3 Muskateers are one short but the other 2 haven't changed much at all. It's like middle school and high school all over again....

U2 and NYC soon! Liamy and Cindy and all kinds of coolness--I can't wait. Let's pray all goes according to plan! (That is, when we get a plan.)
I need to rent Help! and Hard Day's Night to try and transfer some of this insanity to the Beatles. Plus, I need to get rid of those awful images of the last time I saw Help! I recall it well:
The Irish Sea tossing around about me, unsettling my stomach;
a film goes on for our viewing pleasure: Help!
I watch a few minutes then decide I'm either going to throw up or choke holding it in. I had to put on my headphones, jack up Wilco LOUD, close my eyes, hunch over and pretend like I was somewhere else...on firm ground. In the end I didn't puke but man, those images of the Beatles running around while I was feeling my insides churning is NOT a good memory. :)

And you just may be the one...

"First we'll escape, then we'll play baseball"-Mike to Peter

I missed meeting FC to watch the inaguration. I figured though I love the boy, it's not every day a president gets sworn in.
Last night I dreamed I was dating Micky. I mean, come on now, how far can my subconscious possibly take this? Wait. I don't really want to know the answer to that. I just remember thinking, "Wow, Micky's not that ugly after all!"
Unfortunately for the world, E and I learned how to play about 3 Monkees songs last night so I guess those will have to be added to the set. E's going to sing lead on them I think, perfect, he has such a great voice, he just won't admit it. Guess I can't make fun of CJ for doing Buddy Holly sets anymore.
Speaking of CJ, he couldn't get a hold of me via phone so he did the sweetest thing possible: he sent me a lovely postcard from Knoxville since he was there doing PR over the weekend. It made me feel guilty so I actually wrote him an email saying we should get together. I'm a juggler for sure.

All right the name thing: In one of the shows, Mike has a director's chair that reads "Lauren St. David" ("Because I don't want to be recognized.") The -Blessing is since before the band, Mike had a solo act with the name Michael Blessing, that he picked out of a phone book. Hence, as you can plainly see, my fictional self is married (twice) to the doubly-fictional Mike. Get it?
Yeah, yeah, in real life Mike was/is "married" 3x+? and in real life I have nothing to do with him. That's why fiction is FUN! Maybe my fictional self is the daughter of his double self. Hmmm, something to consider. OK right, I got it, Lauren (me) is the daughter of Lauren St. David and Michael Blessing, hence the hyphen. Glad I worked that out, whew.

"It is of my opinion that the people are intending...It is of my uh, people that the tima--...it is, it isn't my uh..."-Zilch

"I have no more than I did before but now I've got all that I need, for I love you and I know you love me...Play, magic fingers!"-- the Nez

Music is not an avatar, I'm done with avatars, those little Hindu gods that run around in your mind telling you to worship them. However, music is a great way to express your soul, just ask King David. And St. Augustine, I believe, said: "Singing is praying twice."
So long as it doesn't become an idol.
FC and I hatched the plan that once he's here he's going to become a rock star and play with me, ha ha. Now THAT would be psychedelic!

Ugh.
Dogs my fleas have.
Fleas my dogs have.
Have my fleas dogs.
My fleas dogs have.
Have fleas my dogs.
Have my dogs fleas.
My have dogs fleas.
Fleas dogs have my.
You get the picture.
Wow, "fleas" is a funny word!
(Yeah, so this is a vague Far Side rip-off.)

Last night I watched more Monkees. As a kid that was one of my favorite shows; today it IS my favorite show.
Best stuff ever:
Blues Brothers (no sex, no drugs, just lots of R&B and Catholic references. Oh, and police cars piling up on one another and Nazis flying off cliffs. I learned that car chases are fun, criminals are cool, policemen are funny, cowboys are mean, and "you can't lie to a nun." I mean, they have powers.)
Monkees (fabricated--or are they? no sex, no drugs, just lots of pop/rock and nonsensical humor. I learned that friends are more important than romance, boys with long hair are cute, and it really is fun to just live in a run down loft together while having crazy adventures in the meantime.)
I was in a band like the Monkees once. I was the drummer but I played the part of Peter. I was the quiet elusive quirky one.
I'd be in a band like the Monkees again but I'd probably end up dating all my bandmates and creating havoc. Or if they were girls, I'd want to date their boyfriends and create havoc that way. See, I've gone from being Peter to being Davy Jones. (Sudder, shudder.)
The more things change the more they stay the same.

Perfect Man

"I know she's having a fit/she doesn't like me a bit/no bird of grace will sit on Auntie Grizelda"--Auntie Grizelda, sung by Peter and the Monkees

I hate when I fall in love with a fictional character. The other night I had a vivid dream that Mike Nesmith and I were going to start dating here in Athens. When I woke up, I felt sick so behind E's back I watched a bunch of Monkees episodes on tape (we usually watch the "new" ones together.) I couldn't stop looking at the Nez and of course that sweetie Peter Tork.
Now here's the thing. I'm not in love with the Nez in real life. Only the young him on that TV show. Not even the Nez from the movie Head. Got it? So, let me explain. The perfect man for me, I have decided (this is all fake you know), would have:
The intelligence, innocence and renaissance man appeal of Sam Becket from Quantum Leap;
The sassiness, strength and culture of Indiana Jones;
The sarcastic dry self-effacing humor and cool look of the Nez in the show;
The creativity, quietness, gentleness and quirkiness of Peter Tork (again, from the show.)

And Crazy E wants everyone to know that this is in fact not true. He claims my ideal man would be C-3PO and the Tin Man combined. He's crazy I tell you.

OK so what traits would your ideal match have? Use famous people to illustrate.

My Word Broken

"All we have in this world is our word," people have told me. But I have to go back on something I said, I have to. I said I wouldn't go on about FC anymore. Well, I basically said that in a moment of self-pity because I haven't been able to talk to him in a few days and I was getting sore at him.
But yesterday, I finally went to the post office to pick up some packages that were waiting for me. I'd just about given up hope for FC's mail since he sent it back before Christmas. In my heart I almost doubted he'd sent anything at all. But then the post lady handed me the envelope and I almost fainted! From Nigeria! A cute zebra stamp and some monkey stamps. He'd bound it up with a white string and red wax too, just like you see in old movies. :)
Guess what he sent me? 2 professional pix of him, cuuuute, a delicate black Rosary, a Christmas card, a Marian devotional book incorporating saying the Rosary with various hymns and prayer for 31 days straight (this is cool it has a picture of Mary as a Nigerian woman holding Baby Jesus dressed as an African), a Nigerian bracelet (girls love jewelry!), a gold finger Rosary with Mary on it, and a silver crucifix and Sacred Heart/Immaculate Heart medal, both of which are now added to my necklace. Sigh! I almost cried, it was so thoughtful of him. For his birthday I'm sending a card, some photos, a St. Joseph's cord that I knotted for him, and some Catholic cards with a St. Francis 3rd class relic. I wanted to send him a Scapular too but it hasn't come in yet. :(
OK I had to cut this in half because my boy was online for a while. I tricked him by saying he'd be jealous but this really great boy had given me a bracelet, jewelry, a Rosary, a book, etc. :) He fell for it for about a minute before saying, "That's me." Ha!

My landlord apparently figured 9am was a great time to start using a chainsaw outside my window to cut down tree limbs. So, here I am. :)
I guess I'll stop my rambling about FC for a little while. The other day E decided to inform me that he's deeply in love with some internet 18-year-old in CA and I immediately knew that nothing good comes from telling others about your own weird love life. Weird love lives always end anyways, it's just awful for those around you for the short time period that it lasts.
For the record, I have been talking about FC a whole lot lately, but mainly on this blog, not to people's faces; also in my entire longwinded history of dating men not once can I recall ever actually trading in a friend for a boyfriend. Ever. Because if the romance is true, you don't need to trade in friends because well, you're getting married and need some time apart from hubby! And if the romance doesn't last, oops, guess who's all alone?
Yet time and time again I've been ditched by close friends for ephemeral, shallow relationships that usually revolved around sex, stupidity and self-destruction.
How can this be? Well, I guess I don't pick friends wisely people tell me. But how do you pick friends? Mainly they pick you.
Every time I tell myself in regards to a certain friend, "OK this is his/her last shot. If he/she ditches me for the next fling I'm gonna put my foot down and stand up for myself," I never follow through. In the end I guess I figure they'll learn their lesson, but as of yet no one has. Ah well, what did I expect? Fairness? When I start thinking I'm entitled to fairness, I either read the Passion accounts in the Gospel, or talk to an innocent man on death row, and I'm completey cured of my arrogance.

More Tales from Growing My Roots

I'm growing my roots, to paraphrase Ignatian spirituality, suggested by Sister Margarita. We can learn from nature. During the winter, the trees lose their leaves and appear lifeless. But really they are deepening their roots in preparation for the spring. St. Ignatius knew all about this of course. As a soldier wounded in battle, he had little to do but lie in bed for a while. Now he's considered one of the best spiritual directors in all history. St. Francis was a POW for a year, then became deathly ill and laid in bed for another year or two at his parents' house. He was growing his roots.
Thank God I'm a Catholic and see value in the little things! I can't hold down a job, I can't go on to higher education, I can't get on a plane, I can't do a million things. But I can grow my roots!
Last night, E and I were having a great time playing PS2 soccer that we rented. He was his dad's Brazilian team Fluminense and I was Nigeria. After about 3-4 games, the PS2 broke. Ah well, at least I won the final game. :)
Talked to X on the phone for a bit today after a long absence. He says I need to get out of my rut. He put it all down in a letter he's mailing tomorrow. I said, "Do you have any advice?" because I figure he of all people has got to understand escaping down periods. "It's all in the letter," he said. I can't wait to see the letter. My last one to him was a guilt-trip-lecture that he deserved. :)
That picture of FC seems to only stay up sporadically, so viewing it is a bit like catching a glimpse of the Loch Ness Monster. Not that I'm comparing the 2. FC would never get drunk and embarrass me the way she did!

Everyone's together

Everyone's got a boyfriend. How awful. How nice. I've got a boyfriend. He's thousands of miles away. He's farther away than that one guy I sorta wanted as a boyfriend, and that guy was really far away. It wouldn't be so bad if not everyone had a boyfriend or a husband. Then I probably wouldn't even mind not having one close to me. Actually, wait, no, I'd still want him because he could:
1) kill bugs
2) take out the trash when the possum's around and E's not
3) play with my dogs and go on walks
4) play chess in person
5) watch funny movies
6)play video games
7)cry with me in person
8)laugh with me in person
9)go to Mass with me in person
10)make me food (he can cook!)
11)sing Immaculate Mary with me
12)pray with me
13)ride horses with me
14)go shopping with me
15)a million other things sweet Catholic boyfriends do

Hurrah for Eddy!

Finally gals, Eddy helped me set this pic of FC on my blog. Click on it once to see a slightly bigger image, then again to see the full sized image. The full size will be about 1/3 the size of your computer screen, big.
I'll change the photo from time to time, but this is the most recent one that he took for me on Sunday. I made him get all dressed up in his native Igbo clothing and take photos. If we got married, I'd probably make him wear this too, but as a general rule he doesn't like it as he claims it's uncomfortable.

Ekene dili Maria!

Ote kwana! Hah, all morning I made FC do online shopping with me. He had to look at chapel veils and I tried getting him to look at scarves but I figured he'd had enough so....
He and I have the same taste though, strangely enough. So, I know which veil I'll get if I get one; now the question is, should I get a scarf, and if so, what kind? Hmm...I never knew there were so many kinds. Believe me, it was hilarious getting him to pick out girly stuff for me. In between times he'd start talking about boyish gadgits like moisture detectors he's created.
Just got back from playing a losing game of Literati with O. O's neat, we get along really well; I just hope he doesn't turn into another CJ.
OK I'm off to continue my day of lounging! Ka odi....

2005

I wonder if I'll ever get to a point where I won't care at all about EG? Probably not. I wouldn't even want to get to that point. But it's going to be mighty hard to juggle my feelings concerning EG, and then if I get married, my husband, or if I become a nun, that whole lifestyle. I'm sure it would work out either way, but some mornings, like this morning, I just get to thinking.
Maybe I'm thinking too much. I started talking to some random Nigerian online and he warned me about Nigerians being clever. That got me thinking because Ikenna had said the same thing. FC had said the same thing. So, yesterday, when FC started mentioning his school project again to me, I snapped. It was too much. I didn't quite accuse him, but I launched into a defensive attack, about how we "needed to get things straight between us," how I wasn't going to help him do anything, etc. The only 2 times I can recall doing this type of thing was 1) during my 3 day attack on D to break up, and 2) last year around this time to FC, when I got angry that he didn't seem to want to date me. Now, this last attack seemed to come out of a growing anger about him not being here. I don't care if it's his fault or not, I'm still angry. I'm sick of having semi-boyfriends! So I let him have it for a while, it was like an enraged force had taken me captive. Then, I was fine. I cried myself silly, he cried, and then we changd the subject. I ended up getting him a birthday present and he kept apologizing to ME. That's just the kind of guy FC is. I rant for an hour about nonsense and he says he's sorry. He really ought to find himself a nice girlfriend and leave me alone. Yet, I am nice to him most times. I'm just a meanie to those I really really care about...bad habit. I'll have to grow up. Thank God for the Atlantic that divides us, or else I might have done something even stupider.
I still have to deal with EG and all those emotions that won't go away. To make matters worse, just when I figured I'd forgotten all that, I had a near encounter with "him" on New Year's Eve. Soon the Atlantic will be between us as well, though, so I'll have another few months to figure this puzzle out.
In other news, New Year's was AWESOME, my best EVER by far.
Today my cousin, whom I've never met, is in GA but I can't find the willpower to pick up the phone to call him. That, however, will entail me somehow explaining to my uncle why I didn't do so. Ah hum. I don't feel like doing anything today but talking to FC online and maybe watching a movie with E later. Maybe if I quiet my life more I won't have so many weird outbursts.