Since I feel like my brain is beginning to twist a little too hard, I'm taking a silly break to make myself (and hopefully some of you) giggle. Here we go....
FAN FIC ABOUT US!!!!!!!!!
Starring....
Chuks...as himself
Cindy...as herself
Me...as myself
Sali...as herself
Jeff-Jeff...as himself
Edison (who has no internet right now and who won't see this but must be included nonetheless)...as himself
[Sorry but this is about all the characters I can manage in a tiny story. Also, nota bene: The thing about the guards near the coliseum is that there are these con-artists who dress up as ancient Roman guards, and they stand outside the coliseum waiting for tourists with cameras to pass by. They pretend to be fun-loving and tell the tourists to take photos of the guards with friends. The con is that once the tourists try to walk away, the guys notify them that each photo cost $--even though the photos are taken on the tourists' cameras! It's very expensive and no one would go through with it if they understood the deal beforehand. It's a dirty, underhanded con and Cindy and I actually fell for it when we were in Rome....]
Once upon a time we all decided to go on holiday in Rome because Jeff had an awesome credit thingy on his card and he was being extra-charitable that day, having just stepped out of Confession with Fr. Matthew. The plane ride was long but hilarious. Cindy, Sali and I all sat together and began giggling about everything that happened around us, no matter how commonplace. Chuks, Jeff and Edison sat far away from us so as to not be irritated, but every now and again Chuks would come and check on us, asking if we needed anything. (Jeff would have been this nice too, but c'mon, he already paid for the trip--how much can one guy do?)
Edison basically slept but every now and then he woke up just long enough to rub his eyes, look out the window, check his watch and glance back at me to wave.
Once in Rome, Cindy and Sali took over. After all, they were our best bets at translation. Sali went right for all the ancient Roman stuff while Jeff pointed out the way to the Vatican.
"We can see all of that stuff and stick together," Chuks informed with a smile. "There's enough time to do everything we want."
"Well, I just need to get gelato (Italian ice cream)...and lots of it," I shouted passionately. Cindy and Jeff nodded quickly and we all ran down the street to the nearest stand.
Once there, Edison surprised everyone by engaging the vendor in Italian. Afterwards, we tried to congratulate him but he shrugged it off.
"I have some Italian in me," he explained, "and it's close to Portuguese. My dad speaks it sometimes."
After the awesome gelato, Chuks and Cindy studied the map and brought us to the coliseum in no time. There we were greeted, somewhat ferociously, by armed guards who demanded to see our cameras.
"Not again!" Cindy shrieked, grabbing my hand and jerking me away. Unfamiliar with the con, Edison and Chuks looked on at the scene dreamily, thinking it rather cool.
"There's no time to explain!" I yelled, already making tracks. "Just run before they get you!"
It was too late. Chuks had already engaged one of the guards in a conversation. From a comfortable distance, the rest of us watched. At first, it looked as though the con-man was going to win: he had given Chuks's camera to Edison and Edison was poised to take some photos. The guard took out his sword and aimed it humorously at Chuks, calling out for Edison to snap the pictures. But then, something interesting occurred. Chuks smiled and said something to the guard that none of us could hear. Edison lowered the camera and appeared perplexed, but not so much as the guard. Still grinning from ear to ear, Chuks took back his camera and led the way towards all of us.
"Well...?" Cindy inquired eagerly. "What happened? You didn't have to pay him anything?"
"Last time Cindy and I were here we had to fork over like 20 bucks to those weasels!" I added bitterly.
Chuks looked at us in wonder as if he didn't quite believe our horror story.
"Those guys?" he said while we nodded in frustration. "They just wanted to play a trick; it was funny, that's all."
Cindy and I exchanged expressions of disbelief, but Edison and Jeff were already leading the way towards the coliseum, anxious to move on. Sali was explaining Roman history to anyone who would listen (and that would be all of us once we got in the long, snaking line) and Chuks accepted a tight hug from me. Maybe he did know how heroic he had been with the con-artist guard--either way I was just glad none of us had lost any money. I mean, Jeff had worked hard for the money he was using to pay for our trip!
Soon we were touring the inside of the coliseum. Although some of us had been there before, it was easy to learn new things and stay alert. Cindy chimed in with her own knowledge of historical facts and between her and Sali, we had ourselves a classy private tour. Edison asked multiple questions about the blood and gore that had supposedly taken place within the walls and ignored my rolling eyes. Jeff and Chuks talked anxiously about our next visit to the Vatican, and how it was built on the same spot as the old Roman Circus.
"The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church," Jeff reminded us; Chuks nodded with hasty agreement.
After the coliseum but before the Vatican, we all decided to have some first-rate pasta at a little Roman cafe on a corner. I was excited as could be, craving food, and made a true fool of myself by jumping up and down with joy once we got inside. Cindy shot me a "stop it" sort of look and I bashfully hide myself behind Sali, who patted me on the head.
The food of course was excellent, but I think the staff was a bit annoyed at our loud American-ness (I'll exempt Chuks, naturally, from this statement.) At one point, Edison, Sali and Cindy all thought they translated one of the waiters saying to another: "I just wish these foreign lunatics would go home. Except the African guy of course." But the translation might have been a little off--and I hope it was.
After lunch we stood in line for about an hour to get within the Vatican City walls. As we stood there, Edison and I struck up a game of "Bands A-Z." The point is to go through the alphabet, naming bands that start with such-and-such a letter. No one really wins, but I suppose if one can never think of anything, he or she should be kicked out. Cindy and Edison were going along quite well, and Jeff kept naming bands from the 80s. Sali and I played for a bit but then bored of it and discussed Bible passages with Chuks, who was struggling with the game as well. Time passed quickly and before we knew it, we were standing inside! Jeff and Chuks ran right towards the cathedral while Sali and Cindy pulled towards the museum and gift shops. Edison looked baffled and undecided, standing motionless in the square. After a little deliberation, I told him to follow me, and I jogged up behind Jeff and Chuks, thinking that I only needed to see the museum once in my lifetime.
The four of us toured the cathedral and even went down into the crypt where we found John Paul II's resting place. Meanwhile, however, and unbeknownst to us at that moment, Sali and Cindy got somehow separated within the museum, and Sali made it outside first. She waited and waited for her companion to emerge, but it seemed like forever. Inside, Cindy had gotten so caught up in a few of the paintings she had wandered into a roped off room. There she had discovered some very cool works of art that were being restored.
"I know I should get out of here," she thought aloud,"but how many people get this chance?"
She perused the various items intently and time seemed to cease to exist. Suddenly, a scuff on the floor behind brought her back to her senses. A man cleared his throat, and then spoke in heavily accented English: "I see you've found the secret room." Then he chuckled, as if making a joke. Whipping her head around, Cindy was stunned to see---------the new Pope!
"Papa!" she gasped, almost inaudibly. She knew there was certain protocol for meeting His Holiness--she should kiss his ring, bow, kneel, do SOMEthing--but she was seized with surprise and could not move in the slightest. Pope Benedict XVI, wearing his white yamaca and vestments, smiled meekly and waited for her to decide on an action.
"Papa," she said again, then humbly kneeled in front of him and kissed his ring. "I--I-'m sorry. I don't know how I got here, but . . . I just couldn't leave." She was staring at the floor bashfully.
Papa chuckled again and pulled her up.
"What is your name?"
For an instant she forgot, but then it flooded back to her: "Cindy."
"Cindy. Which of these is your favorite?" He gestured to all of the works of art in the hidden room. Cindy's eyes scanned them over again, indecisive.
"They're all beautiful," she said, worried that he may have a favorite.
"But which do you like the best?"
Not wanting to keep him waiting any longer, she pointed to a Caravaggio propped up against one of the walls.
"Ah," Papa said, taking her hand and leading her over to it. "Do you know I would have answered the same way? Do you think I should have it installed in my own room?"
Cindy paused in thought, but then he chuckled again and she realized he was kidding.
"Papa," Cindy began, after a momentary lull, "do you come here a lot? I thought you stayed . . . well, not here."
"And where should I stay?"
Cindy decided to stay silent on that one.
"Come now," the Pope said with a new firmness, "it's getting late and I suppose you have friends waiting for you." He led her by the hand, gently, out through the mazy halls of the museum, then paused at the final door to say goodbye.
"You will come see me again, won't you, Cindy?" he said with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Sure. But where?"
"Oh, I'm around," he replied a bit mysteriously, then let go of her hand and disappeared into another room. Cindy blinked a few times to adjust to the outside sunlight then glanced around for Sali.
"You'll never believe what just happened," she started.
Meanwhile, Edison had gone off by himself in the cathedral and was studying the various things he came across: the statues and architecture. Jeff and Chuks were examining all of the numerous Popes' tombs down in the crypt while I could not tear myself away from that of John Paul II.
It was already dark by the time the 5 of us crossed paths again and readied ourselves to leave Vatican City. Cindy and I made a point to buy some little plastic yellow and white flags, and Chuks surprised me by buying me a lovely Rosary in one of the gift shops. Then we all took one last look at St. Peter's Square, with its tourists and loudly dressed Swiss Guards, and left.
Jeff's credit card would not allow us to stay at any first rate hotel, so a humble hostel a few blocks away would have to do. We all shared the same room in bunk beds and Cindy was kind enough to lend everyone her shower shoes (she was the only one who thought ahead.) After the lights were turned out, Edison and Jeff fell fast asleep, but the rest of us began whispering and laughing and chattering the night away. It was fun until, in a fit of giggles, I asked Sali to teach me the Chicken Dance again. We got up in the dark, falling over each other and giggling, then ended up collapsing on the floor unable to breathe. Chuks got up and tried to help us regain our sobriety but in the midst of all the noise, Cindy got irritated and Jeff awoke. Both asked us to quiet down.
The next morning we had breakfast in the hostel. Edison simply wasn't himself until he had a cup of coffee, and I interested myself in watching the Italian morning news on the TV. Chuks offered to make us all some food, which we all appreciated, and as we ate we discussed what we wanted to do next. All of us wanted to see the catacombs, so that was designated next on our list.
